Performing the same action over and over expecting a different outcome.

This understanding of insanity resonates with me wholly.  Originally it was Albert Einstein’s idea, at least that’s who is attributed to the statement. I am paraphrasing the definition, of course.  Maybe that’s what makes this meaning resonate so deeply with me. I’ve turned it into my own words and made it my own.  In another sense, I have made this insanity my own insanity.

I’m not insane. Not clinically. At least, I’ve never been diagnosed.  These days it is harder to tell who is on their rocker and who is off, but I like to see my self as rational. Rational here being the counter to insanity. And attempting to achieve a new and different outcome from some action merely by repeating it does seem irrational to me. Maybe it does to you, too, reader.

Regardless, I am not insane.  Not the way we’ve established above.  I learn from my mistakes and I attempt to change my behavior based on those negative or positive results. Relationships, careers, even educating myself.  I learn what works and what doesn’t and I alter my disposition in relation to the world around me.

Now, I would like to present a counter definition of insanity:

Doing something different over and over expecting the same result.

It is similar, I know, but in only altering the definition slightly, changing a few words, it becomes completely different.  Instead of doing one action over an over, we never do the same action twice, but we expect the same result every time.

Let me give you a hyperbole to make an example that will stress my point. This would be like putting salt in water, drinking it, and finding it salty.  Then, we add sugar to a new glass of water instead of salt, but we still expect it to be salty. 

I’m not saying it’s a perfect analogy, but I am saying that this does sound equally insane as definition number one. 

How can one person relate to two different and yet similar definitions of insanity? Well, people are complex.  There are some people out there, actually probably most of the people out there, who don’t even feel like the same every day.

Here’s my dilemma. I learn from my mistakes, I alter my behavior, but when I do I still expect the same outcome. I may look for a new outcome, even hope for one, but I never expect one. Maybe this will make more sense if I get into more detail.  Only for you, reader.

If you’ve been reading this blog at all, you know that I move a lot. A lot. And often for what seems to be no reason at all.  Fair enough.  I should tell you why I move so much. Why I crave change of setting, character and plot. I get bored.

Simple, elegant, and just enough for us to plod on with. I get bored. I look for somewhere new to go, I go there, struggle to change and adapt, I adapt, get bored and finally seek change once again.  Except it’s not a finality. This is a cycle. By constantly changing and going to different places, I am submitting to a vicious cycle that is will v.s. world.

What I tell myself I want, what I truly believe I want, is a person/people who I can stick with. And maybe this is true. I think it is. I rented a room from a  woman in California for a few months and one night she and I talked about the two different types of people.  There are people who put emphasis on places, and there are people who put emphasis on people.

I believe myself to be the latter. It’s easy for me to make friends, and when I meet a new person I  am the type of person who trusts way to early. We might get into that later. Right now I want to stay on topic.

If I am the type of person who emphasizes relationships with people over relationships with places, it would make sense that I would want to explore more places than explore more people because, and please stay with me here, it is easier to leave places.

I know what you must be asking yourself because I’m asking myself the same question.  Isn’t it the same?  When you leave a place, don’t you leave the people?

I have an answer to that question that I am reasonably happy with and I’ll share it with you: Yes. 

Happy?

No?

Alright, let’s elaborate. I moved to California for four months. I got bored in Alaska and started looking for a change in scenery.  Once there, I met a few nice people, and I plan on keeping in touch with those people.  That being said, am I really leaving them by leaving California?  Sure, I won’t see them as often as if I still lived in that California town by the beach, but in reality they are a phone call or a ten hour drive away.  And that’s important to me.  What is not important to me is that town that I lived in for those four months.  I would not go back to see the town. I would not call the town on a night when I’m feeling sentimental.  So when I leave a person, no it’s not easy, but I don’t forget about that person easily.  Leaving a place, that’s easy.  Pack your bags, hit the road, never look back.  One, Two, Three.

This is the part where I tie up those loose ends and toss the package in the kitchen drawer for you to find when you get home.

Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting a different outcome. Or, insanity is doing something different each time and expecting the same outcome.  Can we mush these two together in the interest of simplicity? Insanity is expecting an outcome. Hey, that’s nice. 

If insanity means to expect a certain outcome, then who isn’t insane?  And really, the way things are going these days, doesn’t it feel like everyone is going a little insane?  Is that derogatory?

My form of insanity is moving, and expecting to not be lonely.  The only problem is, when everything is always different, nothing is ever the same.  Maybe this is my conscience telling me to slow down a bit.  I wish I had a better way of throwing all this at you, reader.  I started this essay with an idea that I would talk about airports and lonely people traveling around everywhere.  It seems I’ve missed my mark this time.

That’s the trouble, though, isn’t it. By expecting a result, we are fooling ourselves into thinking that the world works a certain way.  I don’t know about you reader, but I have had the rug pulled out from under me too many times to believe the world works in only one way.  Every time I figure something out, it seems to change just as quickly. And if it doesn’t, that’s when I get bored and make the change happen. That does sound insane. If things don’t change for me, I make them change. You know, before I wrote this, I felt as though I were floating along, taking my life as a lazy drift along the current just taking the opportunities that came by. Now that I’ve got it down, I’m starting to see that maybe I’m the one swimming out into deeper water looking for that faster current.

As always, thanks for reading.  I hope you’re out there somewhere with your head above water.